you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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