Pants 0. Shit 1.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
