So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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