i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
