I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I currently don't understand fingers.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
