Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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