Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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