Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
