and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
