Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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