I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I believe in your delicious
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
