I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
