Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
