Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
