She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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