God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
