I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
