Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am one with the molecules
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
