My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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