yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
