He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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