all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
