Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
