This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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