He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All the doctor said was why
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
