my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
