i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize