i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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