Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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