I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
