At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sext me about skeletons
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
