oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
