trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Man, jail baloney is awful.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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