Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
