We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
