Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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