don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
