Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
