life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize