so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
