i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
