lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
