That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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