summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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