who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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