the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
