Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
