you traded sex for a burrito?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
