my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
