I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
