I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
