So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
