Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
