smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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