I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize