Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
