turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize