Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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