i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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