she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
