Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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