U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
