nutella sex= disaster
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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